Celebrity Death Haiku

Henry Kissinger

1923-2023

His Nobel Peace Prize
Proves irony exists and
That life is absurd

-- Tom Morrow

 

Evil fuckwad gets
Peace Prize. U.S. Press swoons
World says, What the Fuck?

-- Felix Davidoff

 

Negotiating
Down the temp in Hell should
Be a snap for him

-- Hugh Donnett

 

Matthew Perry

1969-2023

Worst exit ever
The one where Chandler dies.
Rerun in peace

-- Hugh Donnett

 

 

David McCallum

1933-2023

Sixties’ hearthrob spy
Escaped TV for music
Came back as cop doc

-- Abbie Rhodes

 

Jimmy Buffett

1946 - 2023

Changed latitude from
Laid back to laid flat under
Margaritaville

-- O. Cyrus

 

Paul Reubens

1952 -2023

Delightful? Creepy?
Playhouse had plenty of both
A weirdly safe space

-- Phil Valens

 

Ed Ames

1927 -2023

Actor and singer
Best remembered as comic
Tomahawk thrower

-- Hugh Donnett

Pat Robertson

1930 - 2023

Converted faithful
To politics/vice-versa.
Fleeced flocks twice-over

-- Felix Davidoff

 

Blamed “sins” for storms
Not his, mind you; it was all
Those folks you don’t like

-- Sue Phals

 

Melinda Dillon

1939 - 2023

Ralphie’s Mom from
Christmas Story, and to 
Close Encounters kid

--Sue Phals

 

Anne Rice

1941-2021

Born in New Orleans
Literary vampire queen
Hot and cold with God

--Sarah Harrier

 

 

Jackie Mason

1928-2021

Catskill kvetcher
Hit Broadway in the Borscht Belt
Gave Ed “The Finger”

Observational
Comedy at it’s apex
Of obnoxiousness

Didn’t flip off Ed
Wished he had, ultimately
No Fall, no comeback

—Yur Namhir

B.J. Thomas

1942-2021

Raindrops now fallin’
On his headstone instead of
Fallin’ on his head

—Robert Leroy Parker

Now Liederman’s got
The initials B and J
All to his own self

—Harry Longbaugh

 

 

Bernie Madoff

1938-2021

Made off with millions
Overconfident con man
All scheme, no exit

-- Abby Rhodes

Rush Limbaugh

1941-2021

The opposite truth
A name for me in Latin
For you, cruelty

Don’t think about it
The women in numbers like
He was good in bed

80s audience
The big suits, stockings even
Blood bath reckoning

Gelatinous claims
Succor of cigar and pills
His mic’s dead at last

Dead air fresh air, mic
All your breath and breasts harming
Those mourning him now

--S.E.Anderson

 

Larry King

1933-2021

Talked to anyone
About anything, mostly
If they were famous

-- E.K. Moss

 

Star-struck by celebs
Schmoozed with the famous and those
Trying to get there

--Abbie Rhodes

 

Norm Crosby

1927-2020

Ascots to Ascots
Dismembered beyond his dearth
RPM boyo

—Tom Morrow

 

Alex Trebek

1940-2020

Did anyone not
Like this guy? Answer
With a question, please

—Abbie Rhodes

 

Sean Connery

1930-2020

Goodbye, Sir Thomas.
Mrs. Moneypenny's pole
Awaits your thrown hat.

—James M. Maloney

Seven times as Bond
Nobody did it better
Wish somebody would

—Abbbie Rhodes

Emerge from the waves
Scuba to tux in one zip
That’s how you do that?

As a role model
Bond was untouchable but
Something to shoot for

—Tom Morrow

 

James “The Amazing” Randi

1928-2020

The skeptic’s skeptic
Called out paranormal fraud
We need more like him

—Abbey Rhodes

Wowed us by pointing
Out bullshit we should have seen
Coming a mile off

—Phil Valens

Just for exposing
Uri Geller, we owe him
Tons of gratitude

—Tom Morrow

 

Rhonda Fleming

1923-2020

Technicolor queen
Hot red hair and cool green eyes
Kept us all spellbound

—Laurel Cannon

Helen Reddy

1941-2020

One hit wonder spawns
B-List celebrity life
All downhill from there

--Rhonda Helpern

 

Mac Davis

1942-2020

Famous as himself
Got rich writing hit songs for
Late-career Elvis

--Tom Morrow

 

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

1933-2020

Held on for as long
As she could--longer, even
It's up to us now.

--O'Cyrus

* * *

Time to live up to
Her undying faith in us
We owe her no less

--J.K. Russell

* * *

Be like a dybbuk.
Stick around in spirit form
For the whole new year.

 

--James M. Maloney

 

 

Diana Rigg

1938-2020

Jump-started many 
A young boy’s adolescence 
Cat suit and Jag helped

—Abbie Rhodes

Role model for girls
Cautionary tale for boys
Kick-ass sex symbol

—Olivia Cromwell

Saw her in that play
Abelard and Heloise
Totally naked

—Roger Rabid

Goodbye, Mrs. Peel.
In your youth you taught me well.
Your faithful steed heeds.

 

---James M. Maloney

Wilford Brimley

1934-2020

Korean War vet,
Sophisticated cowboy,
McCain's VP pick?

--James M. Maloney

 

 

Milton Glaser

1929-2020

Uncle Miltie's gone
Did it all, inspired us
To do even more

--Olivia Cromwell